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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
If you can`t fix it with duct tape or beer ... it ain`t worth fixin`
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.