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My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
The bat signal seems pretty useless if they need Batman during the day.
Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
I don`t know what I`d do without coffee...Probably twenty five to life in the state penitentiary.
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.