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There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" - 17th century sext
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.