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I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon"
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
You can`t make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
Drinking always starts out as the best idea you’ve ever had.
Never judge a girl`s boob size by their jacket.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.