Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
Marriage is just a 50 year long negotiation over thermostat settings.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.