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Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that`s not it. Keep thinking! We`ll figure this out.
no one is perfect thats why pencil have eraser
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
A court date is still technically a date, right?
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.