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Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
The pollen levels are so high this year that it has the crackheads trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed...
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
I laugh in the face of normal.
I try not to brag but I`m really quite good at Yoga. I`m not flexible or anything but I am a master of that "Empty Your Mind" part
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.