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If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
Don`t ever forget.. I`m always here. A l w a y s. Scrolling. Judging. Judging. Scrolling. That`s right. I see everything.
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
Some people should be ticketed for wearing spandex
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
If a zombie apocalypse were to happen in Vegas... would it stay in Vegas?
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.