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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
Sometimes, I drink a glass of water, just to surprise my liver!
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
A homeless man comes up to me asking for change, I say "Change comes from within." He looked stunned.
Dear YouTube, I will always “Skip this ad.”
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
If you think you have problems, remember that Malaysian man who told his wife he was flying to China... and now he can`t get out of his girlfriend`s apartment...
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.