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"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
No, I didn`t accidentally pocket dial you, I wanted you to hear me eat lunch.
If you receive an e-mail that says: ``FREE JUSTIN BIEBER CONCERT TICKETS`` Don`t open it! It may contain free Justin Bieber concert tickets.
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
Q: What is the best thing God ever created? A: The vagina. Q: What was the worst thing God ever did? A: Put women in charge of them.
Is food porn star a thing yet??
I mean, I don`t even call it a hangover anymore. It`s just morning.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.
Not a day goes by when I don`t try to use The Force.