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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!
When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
If you`re in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!