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It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
Men are trained from birth that happiness comes from either boobs or a bottle.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
I look so young for my rage.
The guy who used to proofread Hitler`s speeches was the first grammar Nazi.
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
I might get a job cleaning mirrors,its a job I can see myself doing.
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on