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I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
Thanks to Facebook, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
For the life of me, I can’t understand why small and medium pizzas exist.
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!