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I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
That awkward moment when you imagine your own funeral...
Alcohol doesn’t make you fat… it makes you Lean… on tables, chairs & random ugly people.
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
My rabbit died yesterday… Now he’s just some bunny that I used to know…
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.