Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem
I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
I don`t understand why people pay therapists when I`ll tell them what`s wrong with them for free.
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.