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When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
Why do the people with the most annoying voices always appear to have the worst case of verbal diarrheal??!!
The best part about having an old VW is driving down the road and watching people punch the sh!t out of each other.
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
Sometimes it would be nice if the world had an off switch.
I think...therefore, I am.....single
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
DOCTORS WRITING: "?? ?? ??." HOW I SEE IT: "?????." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.
They say you can tell how someone has sex by how they dance…. So ladies be prepared for a lot of counting and clapping.