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WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
You know you had a good night when you have to Google map yourself in the morning to find out where the hell you are.
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
I’m glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don`t understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.