Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
What do women say when they are actually fine?
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
I forgot to post this earlier
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
I said my wife`s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet`s empty...