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If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I’m not sure what it means
If I drove a UPS truck there’s a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners.
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.