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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
Facebook Poking Hours: Mon-Friday 7am-10pm Sat 12-11pm Sun Closed
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!!
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.
If I didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?
Dear Cashier, you should stop giving me attitude and acting like you`re job is so complicated and stressful....Self-Checkout has proven that pretty much Anyone can do your job.