Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
When I die, bury me with a pack of smokes, no light. Where I`m going, there will have plenty of free fires to light from.
I forgot to post this earlier
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping