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I put the o in illiterate!
Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
I`ve been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it`s all your fault.
My therapist says I have imposter syndrome. But come on, I`m not good enough to have something fancy like that.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.
STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!