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Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
If you watch Intervention backwards, it`s about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.
I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
I`m no different than any other bachelor. I put my pants on one leg at a time and clean the house once every new girlfriend.
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don`t understand how weather works.