Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
One day my fridge will take revenge on me by opening my bedroom door every half hour, staring at me for a few minutes and then leave.
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
I`m not giving the kids a time out. I`m giving myself one. The thought of sitting in a corner & being ignored sounds just heavenly.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.
Women- God’s version of a Rubik’s cube.