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Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
I love living single, drinking double, and sleeping triple.
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
My life coach just benched me.
Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line.... *as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
F*ck you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
If you wear your old prom dress to the pharmacy, they`ll fill your antidepressants faster.
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.