Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
He said the spark between us was gone..so I tasered him..... Ill ask him again when he wakes up
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
This Pokemon Go crap is getting ridiculous. I just saw a fight breakout between the pokebloods and the pokecrips.
Helpful Tip: Dont laugh when the cop says penal system ... oh and I need bail money again.
I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
I cannot turn water into wine but, I can turn ice cream into breakfast so that’s pretty neat.
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."