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You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
If I were my boss, I`d never leave my coffee cup unattended.
My mind says diet, but my stomach is all SHUT UP BITCH.
I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.
I like to smile at people who don`t like me because I`m an asshole
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
Is there a phobia for leaving the house when your phone isn`t fully charged? There should be.
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile at my sparkling wit.
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.