Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
Don`t play stupid with me! I`m better at it.
It`s possible you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
I stopped going to AA because all of their stories were about how they hit rock bottom by waking up next to me.
There`s something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs.
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.
If you`re ever sad, just imagine how much worse it would be to be a tree that spent years and years growing up, only to end up as a Justin Bieber notebook