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Relax,,, We`re all crazy.. It`s not a competition.
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
Once again, I`m a distant runner-up for TIME magazine`s `Person Of The Year`. I`m beginning to think it`s rigged...
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
This hangover feels like... I should take a shot.
My son got one of those `Stop Bullying` wristbands. he took it away from a fat little ginger kid.
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
If you`re crazy and you know it shake your meds...
I never think twice about helping others.In fact, I never think once about it.