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It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I posted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
My doctor said Iām healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
If you could have one super power would you pick flying, invisibility, or falling asleep without questioning every decision you`ve ever made
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?
I fake my lol`s