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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
I don`t know how many girls it takes to change a light bulb, but I guarantee we`d post pictures of us doing it on Facebook.
A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That`s pretty far-fetched.
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
Nintendo should handle education, I don’t remember half the crap from high school but I know all of Super Mario World’s secrets.
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth ... and drink all the vodka inside ... It seems to help
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.