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Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
My wife and I are dieting now… and by dieting, I mean we’re not telling each other about the junk food we eat.
I am a completely different person when I`m not under female supervision.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
90% of the apps on my phone don’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
You know its Monday when your left eye wont open and your right eye is twitching.