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I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
boss- "You cant drink while your at work!" .. me- "Oh dont worry im not working!!"
The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren`t going to see me 7 more times before then.
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.
be smart, pretend to be stupid!
“Is it food time yet?” = The summarization of most of my thoughts.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?