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Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
Please pay me in cash. I`m not trying to hide money from the IRS, I`m trying to hide it from the MRS.
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
Scientists have discovered that at least 50 percent of fat people’s BMI is made up of excuses...
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
Feeling so good today ... High-five the person next to you and tell them it`s from me.
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.
Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.
People who over-exaggerate make me so mad that I just want to light everyone on fire.
I remembered my wedding anniversary today. It was last week.