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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I`m hoping that she`s having an affair.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it’s AM. Google thinks I’ve got my life together.
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
Why Couldn`t Snoop Dogg & Dr.Dre Get On The Bus ... Because They Forgot 50 Cent
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.