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If you think your having a bad day ... You could be digging your own grave at gun point and find buried treasure.
justin bieber
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?
I love giving orders. My favorite is "Another one. And make it a double."