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I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
I cannot turn water into wine but, I can turn ice cream into breakfast so that’s pretty neat.
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.
I just need someone to feed me and tell me I’m pretty.