Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
Party like you will never be invited to another!
People: What a bunch of bastards!
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
Running shoes? No, I don`t run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but the more important question is, how did they get in there in the first place?