Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
Men are trained from birth that happiness comes from either boobs or a bottle.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women hahaha
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
If history has taught us anything, it`s that reheated french fries are gross.
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.