Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
Today is one of those “yeah, I’m not getting anything done” kind of days.
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
!f yhu T@k yk d!$, then dont talk to me.
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage
Common sense has become so rare it should be classified as a superpower.