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It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
Behind every beautiful woman, is a beautiful behind.
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.
I am not as think as you drunk I am
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
If being an a$$hole was a professional sport, my face would be on a box of wheaties.
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
So you have 820 friends on Facebook and yet no one was around to take your picture when you decided to use the mirror for a good shot?
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.