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It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
Don’t compare yourself to others, that’s when you start to lose confidence in yourself.
Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.
My favorite part of seeing someone I know in public is pretending I didn’t.
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.