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Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
You would think with all the ice water laying all over the world, it would be a lot cooler...
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.