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My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
You know it`s a good night when you wake up with gum in your bellybutton.
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
If one goes to online college, do they have to haze them self?
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
Every shape I had to learn above octagon was just a total fu*king waste of time.
If I`m not in bed by 11PM, then I go home.
Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?