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Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. "How`s it going?", "How about the weather?", "Where are your pants?".
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops