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thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
Me putting up with you is your Christmas present.
If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
The Home Alone house is up for sale for 2.4 mil. I’d pay 2.5 (if I had it) just so I could say, “Keep the change you filthy animal.”
I like it like that
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy`s.
If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.