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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.
Why do people at home on TV have their pants on?