Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll
My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss