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This bartender doesn`t know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
If you`re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don`t google `old man bond age`
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.