Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
It`s nice to know I`m wanted....even if it`s only by the Police!
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
When people tell me "You`re gonna regret that in the morning"...I sleep in till noon, because I`m a problem solver.
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
There is no such thing as something looking "Too good to eat"
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.