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Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it.
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
There`s no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you`re blowing up a rubber glove.
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
??q? uo p??oq??? ? ?nq i ??i? ?s?? ??? si si??
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
Word of the day is bishop: My aunt fell down the stairs and I had to pick the bishop.
After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I`ve successfully installed Java. He hates me.
The older I get, the more I understand someone`s desire to just say-"F*ck it. I`m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."