Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Every time I use a public bathroom, I always wonder why so many people have Sharpies on them at all times.
I`ll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where`s my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I`m here! Under your jacket!"
Pro tip: when you`re watching a show like "my five wives" with your wife, don`t suggest potential additional wives.
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
I hate that little line of dirt that I can never get into the dust pan.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.