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I always stop to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porno starts off!
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
If you ever hear me say that I missed you it`s only because I have bad aim.
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
So... Where does one obtain minions?
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.
I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.