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Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole time is a good day.
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?