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They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
Life Rule #17: Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, ...just incase.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.
Why isn`t cat food made from birds, mice and squirrels??
This isn`t a bakery. We don`t sugarcoat sh!t