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I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
You should be able to park in an “expecting mother” parking space if you’re waiting for your mom.
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.
How many facebook friends do you have that if they posted "I`m depressed and on the edge", your first thought would be to poke them?
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
I`ll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?