Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
"I just launched a new fragrance!" - a great way to announce a fart
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
My wife and I decided not to have children. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?