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If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
If you pour two beers into one glass, it becomes just one beer.
I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.
Technically, every picture is a before picture.