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Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
Still haven`t taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
Yes I stalk you, but only as a friend.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.
I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn’t find a pair anywhere.