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To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
If the shampoo and conditioner in her shower are not the same brand GET THE F*CK OUT, SHE`S A MAN!
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
I wish the minutes after hitting the snooze button lasted as long as microwave minutes.
Defies physics: I eat half a pound of food, `purge` 1 pound of it, and then gain five pounds because of it-- WTF?
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.