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You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb
If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
My home security system is a series of paintings with the eyes cut out.
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
Irons are like 1000 degrees, who`s bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made?
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
Live For Today… Plan For Tomorrow… Party Tonight!
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I`m thinking savings isn`t the only thing you will catch ...
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. I use coupons to get pizza.
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.