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McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
Let me check my giveashitmeter ... nope nothing.
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.