Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn`t attend.
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
I really hate it when someone else creates something that I haven`t had the chance to think of first...
One advantage of growing old is you don`t have to worry about hackers stealing your nude pics out of the cloud.
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
I am surprised Cheech and Chong have not filmed a new movie -"Cheech and Chong Smoke Colorado"
Five little words that will win my heart, "I brought beer and pizza."
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?