Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
I love my toilet. We`ve been through alot of sh!t together.
Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I`ve been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It`s time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I`m hiring a cameraman.
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
May the bridges I burn light the way.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
I`m getting sick of these porn sites listing my videos as "amateur".
Don`t mix Viagra with Iron Supplements. It will cause you to spin around and point north.
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.