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The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
If you have attention deficit disorder, throwing boomerangs isn`t for you.
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
I`m gonna name my son Wussell so people think he has a speech impediment.
Buying my wife a matching belt and bag for her birthday. We`ll have that vacuum cleaner working in no time.
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.