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Love is like Wi-Fi, you can`t see it, but you know when you`ve lost it.
Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
Im thinking about writing a book about my life, I just have to wait for the statue of limitations to expire.
really vry funny
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
Porn teaches kids an unhealthy and unrealistic idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
My blood hound was just attacked by a Crip hound.
How long does it take to get obsessed?