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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
I`d say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we`re not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, or the ice dispenser..
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?