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Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!
Don`t be embarrassed by who you are. Unless you`re stupid. Then you`re pretty much screwed.
My car remote died. I had to insert my key into the lock like some kind of goddamn animal.
I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
All fortune cookies should just read, "You will have diarrhea for the next 24 hours.
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
I`d like to thanks all the girls for wearing yoga pants. It is the only reason why we`re not complaining about how cold this winter it
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.