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Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
Dear, automatic flushing toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm.... But I wasn`t finished.
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
You win some, you lose some, and if you`re lucky, you get some.
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
Being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible
I`ll never need a shrink as long as my wife keeps pointing out whats wrong with me...
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…