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They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I`m safe from identity theft
When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I`m recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
Iām not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.
Trix commercials just teach kids that sharing is bad.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it