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Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
There’s a good reason I’m up this late: because I have to wake up really early.
When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It`s done, but there`s blood everywhere!"
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don`t want to get up there and there`s no coffee.
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
My life is based on a true story
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?