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Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
I`m pretty sure the phrase "Did I say that out loud?" is just a way of adding an exclamation point.
Nobody notices your pain, your happiness, your sadness, your state of mind. But everyone notices it when you fart in public
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.