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I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
I can`t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.
I don`t understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion.
President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.