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I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.
When someone tells you they`re playing a STD game... But you later realise they were talking about Spot The Difference.