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feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
lifes a laugh, start living it!
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
-buys lottery ticket -fantasizes about winning the lottery -smiles -loses lottery -resumes general hatred for life
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?