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If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah...kids are stupid.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice
FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
Birds do it. Bees do it. Heck, even fleas do it. Let`s do it! Let`s live in a homeless man`s beard!
Women forgive and forget but always make sure you don`t forget that they forgave you and forgot about it.
If Wendy`s think their square burgers are so awesome, why don`t they use square buns?
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.