Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
This status was brought to you by me being bored on the toilet.
Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
That awkward moment when the automatic flushing toilet goes off when you`re still sitting down.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you`re like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you`re from Alabama)
My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
if sexyness, kindness, sweetness was a crime, You would be the world`s most wanted
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone