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Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
Fun Things to do : Commenting “not your best” on everybody’s selfies.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"