Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the heck are you doing?
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.