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Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
Your selfie would be way better if you weren`t in it.
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?