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I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
My wife always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
Day 1. I am thankful that I haven`t fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
A lot of guys get married just because they`re hungry.
The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.
I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.