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Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart?
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
A computer losing its internet access is the equivalent of a car running out of gas, both become useless.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
Every woman needs a shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to lean on and a shoulder to hold her bra strap on!!!
Why is there a Stairway to heaven and a highway to hell? There is a lot more traffic going to hell
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Drunk me absolutely loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
Yes, it`s a bad time. Let me call you back when I`m not feeling so honest.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription.