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If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
If you`re sad/single/both on valentines day just remember you can buy 40 chicken nuggets at McDonald`s for $8.99
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.