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The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think.
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
My friend told me he wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don`t think he`d be a good secret agent.
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn`t enough.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
and alcohol are now friends.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
Do angry people know about naps?