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Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
If you can`t handle me at my worst...I don`t blame you, neither can I.
At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
I would be okay with a ghost in the house if it at least moved a vacuum around the floors once a week.
If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
The mailman just delivered an 8-track of Boz Skaggs Greatest Hits. I guess this fulfills my Columbia House obligation.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, Iām pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100xās louder at night.
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
Here`s a crazy trick to avoid looking fat in pictures: Lose weight.