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If it weren`t for WebMD I would have never known what symptoms to mimic so I could get all these prescriptions from my doctor.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button