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Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
It`s so hard to find obedient minions
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
I could really go for a beer and a million dollars.
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
Gun Control: Use both hands
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
The only hunger games i care about involve plastic hippos.
There are some people in this world who make you totally understand Hannibal Lecter.