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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
If you never jumped from couch to couch as kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
Why don`t we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
I think, therefore i`m single.
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
I eat my salad without dressing because who has time to put on clothes...
It’s not drinking alone if the dogs are home, right?
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?