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Put that down you fat piece of sh!t` - the title of the dieting book I`m writing.
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
After committing a crime, always carry a fire extinguisher. No one gets stopped while running with a fire extinguisher.
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy`s laptop
If all the worlds a stage and the men and women merely players, how come Justin Bieber gets all the airtime?
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
What do you mean my bathrobe is inappropriate? Isn`t it casual Friday?!
When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
My body needs a refresh button.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook